Chadwick's Blog

I've always been predominantly math-minded. I'm a problem-solver. And that's why I'm not comfortable being happy. Where's the problem to solve in that? I need something to figure out, some system to analyze, some policies to establish, some mistakes to recognize. A 'friend recently posed the possibility to me that maybe I want to be sad. My response to her was "I don't think I want to be sad." And it's a silly thing to think, right? Who wants to be sad? But, it resonated within me. And so I'm wondering, what is it to be happy? A novel thought, I know. To be happy: to kick ass? to not care? to be insatiable and ever-motivated? I thought "love" was confusing, but now I think "happiness" is even more elusive. I picture it perhaps as a hermitic state, obsessing over one's own mind, lost in thought, with friends and lovers simply augmenting what is a generally satisfied disposition. Music makes me happy, at least. Blah! Bedtime.